Everybody ready? I’m not. (My FAQ for this series, as able-bodied as a accidental altercation of agenda catalogs, is here.)
-We’re acquirements a little bit added about the format, which will absorb Changed Lives and Finding Adulation and Having it All. Chris: “If you’re not allotment of a committed couple, you’re activity home!” So this isn’t aggregate abhorrent about the inferior brawl AT. ALL.
-Let’s accommodated these bodies cut from America’s Got Talent and American Idol and The Bigger Jigger’s Wednesday night 5PM slot. This guy’s a adept so go him. This adult is an aunt like me and I feel that and additionally she owns a horse and I’m aggravating to adjudge whether to abhorrence her or accelerate a acquaintance request.
-“In Austin, if you bandy a bedrock you can hit a artist cutting a big hat.” This dude has able man bun activity after the absolute man bun, and you apperceive some patchouli is activity on in the accomplishments here.
-This banty has done annihilation and said annihilation and articulate annihilation and I am absolute she’s the advanced advertised Broadway chick.
Two abnormal later: “Without agreeable theater, I would not exist!”
You apprentice things back you cycle in the apish world.
-THIS guy has a pen and a dog and was on American Idol and Katy Perry — who was cutting a four-foot adornment and a David Spade wig — was afflicted by that.
-This babe says that “every guy I’ve anytime anachronous has cheated on me.” I’m activity to go advanced and assumption she does not broadcast abbey socials for dates.
-Jamie has a dress missing an absolute accept and arm and appropriately fits appropriate into the Bachelor franchise. This added banty is cutting no pants and is additionally anon allotment of the family. Thanks, Peter’s Season!
-You know, I don’t generally feel beholden for not scoring any college than a 5 on the Hot Banty Scale, but afresh I see shows like this and I apprehend that’s kept me from authoritative some actually abhorrent activity decisions, and potentially authoritative them on common television.
Thanks, anytime ample adenoids and too-small eyes.
-And I can’t alike accomplishment it with “but she has a abundant personality.” I don’t. I’m egocentric and historonic and I adjudicator others based on how audibly they breathe.
-We’re 16 account in and the aboriginal woman has appear that she “doesn’t appetite drama.” Let’s aloof pre-translate that to “I’m bringing the rolling nightmare.”
-Yoga adviser woman juuuuuussssst reaeeeeeeaaaaalllllly caaaaauuuusualllly wants us to apperceive that she’s allotment of a clay agency.
-18 account in: Aboriginal “connection.”
-Rudi has “dated all of L.A.” and wow, amuse get tested
-Just once, I appetite addition on this appearance to say, “The actuality you aloof asked me about is fug and I would eventually eat some amoebic aftermath from Chernobyl than accept coition with him/her.”
-I don’t apperceive who I like best amidst the women. They’re all the aforementioned woman.
-Just about all of these bodies sing like theyre accomplishing so through a kazoo. plz stop.
-Oh, it’s the aforementioned woman afresh like bristles added times. That clears things up.
-Chris: “The centermost of what we do actuality is love.” Additionally Instagram follows. But mostly Instagram follows.
-The girls are sleeping four to a room. Four to a room. FOUR. To. A. ROOM. I can’t alike accept added than four blimp animals in a room.
-All the bodies calm and we are two blue hats abroad from a abounding Village People.
-Living Man Bun has A Connection!
-This is the fourth commodity I’ve accounting today. The capacity accept included nuclear energy, types of pilot certificates, library technology, and this show. I accept abstruse the best from this show. For example, I accept abstruse that there are no women in America with abbreviate hair. Plus they’re all actual skinny!
-Wait, like 15 added women accept apparent up, all apparent abutting to the aboriginal 12 women, all of whom are the. same. woman.
–I NEED SHIRTAILS SO I KNOW WHO’S HERE FOR THE RIGHT REASONS
-One of the AllWomen is “having the best time, like, literally, ever!” This… this is the peak? Of ever?
-Why do all these bodies sing like they’re captivation their noses? Why? Why.
-There’s a bartering with little Goldfish absurd boot bottomward an activated artery to “The Stars and Stripes Forever” and this is by far the best allusive agreeable acquaintance I’ve had in the accomplished 58 minutes
-The guys accept bunks too. This actually is summer affected in Douchebag Forest.
-This One Dude and Some Banty accept a date annnnnnnd iiiiiiiiiiits….. a agreeable date at a agreeable recording collapsed to accomplish music!
…John Mayer music.
-Back at the Rolling Cocktail Grab-Bag of Little to No Personality. “The date agenda said, ‘Let your affection sing’? So maybe it has something… to do… with singing?’” There are no rockets actuality scienced in this house.
-Another Date Card! But wait, we don’t apperceive how the John Mayering went! We charge know.
-Matt is arrive to ask addition out on a date and I candidly anticipation he best one woman who he was aloof apparent talking to, but afresh I couldn’t amount out why she was cutting him Actual Angry Face over her half-slung-on fuzzcoat, and here… he’d asked a actually altered woman. Who is, of course, the aforementioned woman.
-Back to the John Mayering! I admiration if the Autotuning was added appropriate on the spot, or during audio processing, or during beheld edits.
-IMPORTANT UPDATE: Rudi and her down is the one who wasn’t best for the date (thanks chyrons!).
-Ayyyyy, it’s the Plain White T’s, assassin to accomplish for Listen to Your Affection and cut to about four seconds.
-This bolus bartering is aggravating to attract me by cogent me that I AIM HIGH in EVERYTHING I DO and afresh shows a woman with a kettlebell that can’t counterbalance added than your boilerplate day-old runt babe and alike admitting my conditioning today consisted of aperture and closing the bake aperture that’s aloof offensive.
-Stop authoritative Tinkerbelle 3D, Disney, it’s gross.
-Man Bun has accounting a song! I can’t acquaint which AllWoman it’s for, though. Is it the one he had The Connection with? His guitar is atramentous and agleam and acknowledgment than castigation and he has 87 actual ample rings. I accept A Connection with Ring 4. It has azure in it.
-The AllWoman he sang for says “That was so special!” Oh… oh dear. That’s the “This is a actual nice font” back the article had actually no punctuation.
-Date Dude is activity to “circle back” with Rudi. Oh okay, she’s the one with no pants. He’s like what’s wrong, and she’s like “Remember the chat we had? We were sitting appropriate here… And what did you say?” This is an accomplished strategy, Rudi. Every man wants to date the adult who reminds him of his mom back she yells at him for not listening.
–Date dude wants her to apperceive that she’s misinterpreting. This is additionally a astute advance of action.
-Also, he’s Circle Back Guy. He actually says “circle back” back not on a appointment alarm in an airport with eight added bodies in khakis.
-One of the guys asks… Jamie?… Jayme?… Jaymye? if he can comedy her a song and I’m like, “Oh hey, addition one wrote a song” but NO it’s not alike his song it’s SOMEONE ELSE’S SONG and this is like a actuality adage “I fabricated you cookies” but they’re the collapsed break-apart affectionate you get in the dairy alley and bandy on the cookie area and you don’t alike accept to beat them out of a tube.
-Chris: “One aftermost allotment of advice, ladies: Listen to your heart.” Chris vanishes. Chris has a accepted net account of $16 actor and he is activity to say whatever Mickey tells him to say.
-What’s affectionate of absorbing actuality is seeing the real-time reactions of the blow of the contestants to everyone’s decisions. The asthmatic is as it happens instead of in the AfterLimo.
-Here comes The Ultimate Agreeable Competition affiance again… six anxiety apart… via Skype…over skippy internet connections. Can’t wait.
See you then.
The Bachelor Presents: Listen to Your Affection affectedness Monday nights at 8/7c on ABC.
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